Post Mission Life (Derailed!)

Hello from the snowy, icy, frigid land of UTAH!
I can hardly believe I am home. It seems like a dream. I feel like a participant in the movie, "Inception." The mission felt like a dream, and being home feels like a dream. I hope that feeling goes away soon. I feel like a train that has been derailed. It's hard to remember things that happened before the mission sometimes. I feel disoriented and lost a lot of the time; not sure what I should do with myself, etc.
One of my dear mission companions, Sister Sabrina Welch wrote me a letter while I was still out and related the transitions a missionary goes through to the Plan of Salvation. We have a wonderful life with our families before we leave (like the pre-earth life), we are "born" in the mission field (earth life), we serve, things are hard, we face incredible amounts of opposition and stress (agency and opposition in all things), we find the greatest joy we know (learning about Jesus Christ and the power of the Atonement), we "die" in the mission field (mortal death), we fly home on the airplane (kind of like the spirit world), and then we return home to our families (celestial kingdom!).
Being home has been a big transition; but not as earth-shattering as everyone seemed to make it out to be. It was difficult to come home to completely unfamiliar surroundings. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around the hard facts of life. But, I just try to take things one day at a time and that seems to be helpful. :)
Things I miss about being a missionary:
My companion-She had the same goals I did. It was nice to have someone with the same objectives in mind.
Structure
Having something productive to do with my life every hour of the day
Companion study
Teaching
Bearing testimony frequently throughout the day
Going to bed at 10:30
Being safe...practically untouchable from the dating world!
North Carolina-the people, the weather, the everything
Going to church as a missionary
Gospel Principles
Having a purpose that I understand and know how to accomplish.
Having a magic blue card that I could buy food and other essential things with
Being concerned only for the welfare of others. Now I have to worry about myself...

There is a whole plethora of other things I could probably ramble off, but that might take a while (for you to read and me to type) and since we all have time constraints, I will refrain.

I gave my Homecoming address this past Sunday. I was scared out of my skirt! I think it went alright though. It felt so good to be able to bear my testimony, to teach some basic principles of the gospel and tell other people about some of the people I was able to meet and to teach. I felt so good after sacrament meeting was over. Brother Mark Fitch, who just returned home from France spoke with me. It was really neat because we both addressed the same topic, The Doctrine of Christ (Faith, Repentance, Baptism by Immersion, Receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and Enduring to the End).
Coincidence? I think not!

Re-submersion into everyday life has been greeted with resistance. I still don't like listening to the radio (except 89.1, my beloved classical music station). Lance tried to introduce me to some new music. It resulted in tears. I think you see the world through a different lens than the rest of the world as a missionary. One day at a time...

My biggest fear right now is doing something to offend the spirit. I don't want to lose it. Making sure I take time to read from the Book of Mormon everyday and continuing the habits of praying and filling my day with worthwhile activities has been helpful. I have found that being selective about what is okay and what is not okay to see, listen to, participate in, etc has been a challenge. Especially in the entertainment department. Music was my lifeblood before I left. Now, I am finding a clash of standards. The iTunes library has shrunk significantly in some genres.

I want to go and serve someone.

I have talked a lot about how much I miss being a missionary, but it would also be important to note that I absolutely LOVE being home with my family. It is so nice to hold them in my arms again and talk with them and my favorite is snuggling with Ashlyn when she's getting ready for bed. It has been wonderful to be back home with them. Words can't describe the joy I felt when I saw them as I came down the escalator. It was the best thing EVER.

My love and appreciation for the experiences I have had during the past 18 months have definitely deepened since I've been home. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I loved being a missionary. It was the best thing I have ever done with my life. I don't regret the decision to serve.

The church is definitely true. If you don't know it yet, you can. Read the Book of Mormon and you will understand God's plan. You will see He has a grand purpose and plan for you. Bigger than you can comprehend. He can see the end from the beginning. You will learn to trust Him more, know Him better and feel His love work through you as you help other people. That's what I do know.

I hope to be a somewhat frequent blogger even though life is about to go insane with school and possibly (hopefully) a job of some sort. Not to mention I have committed myself to President Beard to re-enter the dating world (ugh).

Stay in tune!

Happy New Year (23 hours and 22 minutes late)

Love you all!